#280 | Sh*t I Tell My Friends #1: On Advice (a.k.a. Stop Listening to Idiots)
Quick SUMMARY:
In the inaugural episode of "Sh*t I Tell My Friends", Douglas Vigliotti introduces a candid advice format inspired by real conversations with friends, while tackling the very concept of “advice” itself. He discusses the pitfalls of generic advice, emphasizing the importance of understanding who’s giving guidance and why. Vigliotti shares personal insights, highlights the value of vulnerability, and encourages listeners to be discerning about advice, inviting them to reach out if/when needed. He also outlines the podcast’s future focus on fiction for 2026.
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TOPICS COVERED IN the EPISODE:
Introduction to the Episode (00:09) - Douglas introduces the new "Sh*t I Tell My Friends" advice series and outlines upcoming podcast changes for 2026.
Newsletter and Podcast Companion Info (01:39) - Details about the monthly companion newsletter, including episode summaries, book info, and how to sign up.
Purpose and Format of the Advice Column (03:02) - Douglas explains the intent behind the advice column, emphasizing honesty, vulnerability, and the experimental nature of the format.
Episode Length and Experimental Nature (04:09) - Notes on expected shorter episode lengths and the evolving, experimental approach to this new series.
Douglas’s Philosophy on Advice (05:07) - Douglas shares his view that most advice is just personal projection, not tailored to the recipient’s situation.
The Problem with Most Advice (06:21) - Explains why advice often fails, highlighting the lack of context and empathy from advice-givers.
The Need for Direction and Choosing Advisors (07:33) - Discusses society’s desire for direction, the risks of following the wrong people, and the importance of knowing your advisors.
Quotes on Advice and Friendship (08:35) - Shares relevant quotes from Don Draper and Solon about advice, friendship, and the value of private support.
Closing Remarks and Contact Information (09:49) - Wraps up the episode with reminders on how to subscribe, contact Douglas, and learn more about his book and the podcast.
READ THE TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome back to “Books for Men”, a podcast to inspire more men to read and bring together men who do so. This week, I am starting a brand-new episode type, and it is titled Sh*t I Tell My Friends. This is the first edition, and it's about advice. So if you listen to the year-end episode, which was really just a special edition on a pop-up piece that I did on Instagram titled “One Plus One Doesn't Equal Two”, I also shared what you can expect in 2026. And that's these episodes, at least for the time being. We're going to see how they go along with fiction only, so I'm only going to be sharing novels. There might be some creative nonfiction, memoirs, things like that, but mostly it's going to be just fiction and novels. And I explained a little bit why that was the case in that episode. So if you're interested in hearing that, I would go back and check it out. But I will tell you a lot more about. Should I tell my friends in this episode, as well as what I have to say about advice, since this is technically an advice column? I would say before I do any of that, I did want to remind you that there is a companion newsletter that goes with this podcast, and that's just a once a month newsletter that rounds up all of the episodes from that month, complete with all book information as well as episode summaries, my favorite quotes from the books, as well as additional book recommendations. So if that sounds like something that you are interested in, or maybe you just want to sign up, then all you have to do is head over to the website BooksforMen.org
01:45 - All right, so on that note, let's turn back to this new column. What is it? So it's exactly what it says it is. It's advice that I would give my friends, or it's things that I would tell my friends if we were talking about these topics. Hopefully, this is personal because I am intending it not to be filtered in any way, and me literally just telling you things that I would tell my friends if we were talking about this stuff. So I'm doing this for a few reasons. One, I think it's going to be fun for me to do. Two, I think it might actually help people out there, not because I have something so unique to say. That would be a very egotistical outlook, but there's a vulnerability in friendly conversation, and there's an honesty to it where I think a lot of times if something is designed for public consumption, so whether that's edited or scripted or anything of that nature, it could be very not honest in a way, and there's only so much that you're going to do to be able to stymie that, because as soon as you put a microphone in front of somebody's face, there is a degree of knowing that that microphone is in front of someone's face.
03:02 - But I will try to be vulnerable and honest about this stuff. And it might seem quirky, but I promise you, if you ask my friends, they will tell you that this is the type of stuff that I tell them when they ask me, or when these topics come up. I just thought it would be fun. And since I'm not doing nonfiction anymore, let this stand in for, I don't know, self-help advice, however you want to coin it, and it would just be a good way to juxtapose the every other week novel instead of just doing week after week after week of books. So, of course, you should expect ideas and things that have come into my consciousness via the books that I've read, or just my life experience. Probably more of the latter, because although books do help create the stew that's going on up there, I think feeling something and experiencing something is the most or the best teacher, I should say. Also, I would expect shorter episodes. This one will probably be even longer in length, because I am giving this little introduction to the whole episode type.
04:09 - But in normal, I would say they're probably going to be around the 5-to-7-minute range. And lastly, I should just mention that right now these are experimental. So they might change a little bit as we continue to mess around with the format. But if you like it, let me know. Of course, you can reach out to me either on Instagram @DouglasVigliotti or via my website: DouglasVigliotti.com. It's indeterminate, really, how long I will do it, but I do have plans to do it for the entire 2026, just as I have plans to only do fiction for the entirety of 2026. On that note, I will now share with you a little tidbit on advice, since, whether I like it or not, this will be a healthy dose of that along with concepts, theories, ideas, and all of that other stuff that I mentioned just moments ago. Quotes, too, and I will share a few of those at the end of this. All right. So, Advice, what do I think about it?
05:07 - Well, drum roll for the most part, I think advice is stupid. And I know that this is going to kind of be, how could you say that since you're about to embark on a quote-unquote advice column for men? Should I tell my friends? Right. Here's why I say that, though 99% of the time, advice is just a projection of the advice giver’s experiences, beliefs, and opinions. It's not really an assessment of your situation. So that's what this is. And I never want it to be mistaken for anything more than that. But in real life, I think we do quite a bit right. Like next time you ask somebody for advice, listen to how they respond, see how many questions they ask you that clearly, and try to understand the context of your situation. Maybe 1 or 2 if you're lucky. Most people don't even do that nine out of ten times. You'll just get the response. In my experience, or when that happened to me, I or maybe I know what that feels like because.
06:21 - And these are all valid. They're just lead-ins, though, for people to tell you how it works or it didn't work for them based on whatever their situation was, not based on what yours is. So this is why I said, for the most part, advice is stupid. Unless somebody is really taking the time to understand the context of your situation, which is very challenging because that means they have to put themselves in your shoes. And a lot of times that means they have to see you in a new light and allow themselves to be uncomfortable, to see you in a new light, struggling in pain, not understanding what's going on, really grappling with the context of your situation. But saying that advice is stupid is different than saying people don't want advice. We all want advice. It reminds me of this quote from Mad Men. I'm currently rewatching it, and Don Draper says, “People want to be told what to do so badly that they'll listen to anyone.” Right or wrong, I think that's where we're at societally, with social media and just the onslaught of information and advice to do this, to do that.
07:33 - And very rarely are we taking a step back to realize this, because our need for direction and our discomfort with uncertainty is so great that we just want to be told what to do. So I guess if I have one takeaway, then I would say always understand who is providing the advice. How much do you know about this person? How much do you know about the news anchor? The influencer, YouTuber, podcaster, right, is providing you with the information. Do you want to be led by that person? Do you want to be swayed by that person? Because despite our penchant for wanting to listen to anyone who has something to say about anything, if you listen to the wrong people about the wrong things, it could lead you down some pretty dark roads. And sadly, I find that to be the case for many men today, women as well. But since this is “Books for Men”, I will address my men out there pretty directly. So, as I mentioned at the top of this episode, I will share quotes in these episodes.
08:35 - Things that I've collected and continue to collect in an archive as I go through life, read my books, and engage with art in various forms, like that Don Draper quote that I just shared with you, but I also pulled this Solon, I think that's how you pronounce it. He was a lawmaker and political philosopher in Athens, ancient Greece. So before Christ, like 2500 years ago or something. And he said, “In giving advice to a friend, seek to help, not to please.” Hopefully that's what this is. That's what I'm doing here and going on that whole friend concept. He continues with a great quote where he says, “Reprove your friend privately, commend him publicly.” I love that quote because not only should you have your friends’ backs most of the time, but despite what the world wants to tell us, not everything is meant for the public square in most things should be in are better handled in private. On that note, I wanted to thank you so much for listening to this inaugural episode. If you enjoyed it, then please remember to click subscribe on whatever podcast platform you're listening to this on, because it's the best way for the show to find new listeners and inspire more men to read.
09:49 - I already told you once how to reach out to me, but I'll remind you again here on Instagram @DouglasVigliotti or via my website: DouglasVigliotti.com. If you want to read my new book, it is titled: “Aristotle for Novelists: 14 Timeless Principles on the Art of Story”. You can learn more about that at AristotleforNovelists.com. And last but not least, if you want more information on this podcast specifically, like signing up for that newsletter I mentioned at the top of this episode. And all you have to do is head over to the website BooksforMen.org
