#252 | From the Vault: Morning After #7 – A Letter to Love
Quick SUMMARY:
In this “From the Vault” episode, Douglas Vigliotti shares his short reflective essay "A Letter to Love," which is literally a letter written to love, exploring the complexities of the feeling and its relationship to the stories we read, watch, listen to, and, most importantly, tell ourselves. He explains how he came back to this piece through personal changes in his life and highlights the oversized role stories play in our lives. It is a truly unique episode, one that may challenge your notion of an overwhelmingly important aspect of human life. (Original pub date: 2/14/20)
Listen to the episode:
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TOPICS COVERED IN the EPISODE:
Introduction and Book Promotion (00:09) - Douglas introduces the episode, mentions his "Morning After" column, and promotes his book "Aristotle for Novelists."
Life Changes and Alcohol Reflection (01:12) - Douglas discusses relocating to Manhattan and reflects on his three-year abstinence from alcohol and possible reintroduction.
The Role of Alcohol and Personal Growth (02:27) - He explores the trade-offs of abstaining from alcohol, the importance of balance, and societal trends toward sobriety.
Origins of the "Morning After" Column (03:39) - Douglas explains the inspiration behind his "Morning After" column and how his views on alcohol and creativity have evolved.
Revisiting Old Writings and the Power of Stories (05:06) - He shares his discomfort with rereading old work, but notes some pieces still resonate, especially regarding the impact of stories.
Love, Literature, and Podcast Themes (06:30) - Douglas connects recent podcast themes—love, loss, relationships—to the upcoming reading of "A Letter to Love."
Reading: "A Letter to Love" (07:49) - He reads his reflective piece, questioning the true nature of love versus its portrayal in stories and media.
Closing Remarks and Listener Engagement (09:07) - Douglas wraps up, encourages subscribing, shares contact info, and promotes his book and newsletter.
READ THE TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome back to “Books for Men”, a podcast to inspire more men to read and bring together men who do. So this week I have a pretty interesting “From the Vault” episode to share with you. It's actually not from the vault of my previous podcast, but it's from the vault of my website. I blogged for many years on my website and had various columns. This one is going to be from the Morning After column titled A Letter to Love. I will share it with you in its entirety, of course, but I will also give some more context on how it came to be and why I am actually sharing it with you. But first, as always, allow me to plug my book that came out last year, “Aristotle for Novelists: 14 Timeless Principles on the Art of Story”. If you are a novelist, an aspiring novelist, or you're just looking to tell a story of any kind, whether it's on the screen, on the page or in your life, then I think you will get a lot out of this book. And if you are interested, all you have to do is visit the website AristotleforNovelists.com.
01:18 - Okay, so now let me turn back to the primary focus of this episode. Something you may or may not know is that I am in the middle of a really big change in my life, so I'm relocating and moving to Manhattan. And anytime you have a huge change in your life, it causes you to think about a lot of things and reevaluate, and even sometimes gives an opportunity to look at old work. And I don't know, it's just, you know, anytime you turn over a stone, those doors seem to open up. And that's sort of what's been going on with me. The other aspect of this is that I have given up alcohol for the last three years, and June marks the three-year anniversary of that. So there are a lot of reasons why I did that, and probably that would need to be a whole other episode to focus on. But I will say that I have been reconsidering bringing it back into my life in a slightly different capacity than it was before.
02:27 - The only way to find out if something can work in your life is if you try it. And I think that I am in a much different place now than I was then. Not to say that I'm going to, but this is just something that I have been thinking about. And while I'd love to say that it's all upside. A simple truth about life reminds me that there are trade-offs to everything. And when I think about alcohol specifically. There are definitely some things from a social standpoint that I like to pretend have not changed, but they have. And a lot of them for the better. But there are little things that have been lost, I think, with that, and it's the reason why balance in one's life is actually the most important thing. Obviously, in the absence of being able to obtain that, then one should highly consider abstaining, or for any of the other various health reasons why one would. Now, I didn't mean this to be a glossing over of such an important topic in one's life.
03:39 - I know there are a lot of men and women who have their own relationship with alcohol, and are considering so many different options when it comes to how much to drink, whether to drink at all. It's a really big topic in society right now, as there's a lot of movement towards an alcohol free lifestyle, and that's something I totally support. Obviously, I've lived it for the last three years, but I've only brought this up to say that I used to have a column titled The Morning After, and it basically was short, reflective pieces on thoughts, feelings, and ideas about life. Written the morning after a night out. I think at the time, I thought that there was something to the idea of being hungover. That opened up my senses and allowed me to access certain emotions that I didn't think I could. An idea that I've basically proven false. I think to this point in my life, it's not even remotely the reason why I would consider adding alcohol back into my life. But I will say that I started to reread some of those old entries, and I call them entries because they are short and pithy and vulnerable, like a journal entry would be, which was pretty scary, I would say.
05:06 - I don't really like to read old stuff, because so much doesn't hold up with your current taste and who you are as a person, and that definitely held true. However, there were more than a handful that definitely did. And the piece that I'm going to share with you today still has tremendous resonance, and that's why I wanted to share it with you. But more specifically, it also sheds light on stories and their impact on our lives, which is massive in a way. They control our experience of so many things, from how we feel about certain things or what we buy and why we buy it, just so much of the world in our own feelings toward it and our own lives really are dictated by stories around us and the stories we tell ourselves. And that's why this piece that I am sharing with you today really matters in a big way. Lately, I've shared a lot of novels on the podcast that have elements of love and loss, and relationships in them. Whether it was last week's “Bitter Sweet” or the classic “Anna Karenina”. Just so many. And I thought that this would be a good way to end this month and, I don't know, shine a light on a topic that is so big, so misunderstood, yet something that we need so much of to live a fulfilling life, and that's both for ourselves and for other people. And of course, I am talking about love. All right, so now, without further ado, let me share with you: “Morning After #7 - A Letter to Love”. It was first published on my website, DouglasVigliotti.com, on Valentine's Day, February 14th, 2020.
07:15 - Dear Love, I’ll give you this. You dazzle me in movies, melt me in songs, and wow me in books. But how well do I really know you?
After all, these are the stories I want to hear. I will willingly watch, listen to, or read for hours. They say, “You’re based on a true story.” But I’ve never seen a beauty marry a beast or a street peasant marry a princess. Is it possible I like the idea of you more than I like you?
Love, I know people adore you. If I post a photo of you, people clamor over it. If I write an article about you, people will actually read it. But these are the same people who lie to, cheat on, and steal from you. Many people live in a marriage without you. That’s for sure. They tell themselves the story of you only when it’s convenient for them to hear it. Is it possible they like the idea of you more than they like you?
We can pretend this isn’t the case. You know, live life like it were the movies. But maybe we are anyway, which is why we struggle to find you even inside our own homes. Leaves me to think, how well do we really know you?
Maybe the movies are as good as you look. The songs as good as you sound. The books as good as you feel. So maybe that isn’t you after all. Love, how well do I really know you?
Over the years, we’ve butted heads a few times. Do you remember me? Maybe one day we’ll meet again and we can talk about it.
Sincerely, Doug
09:25 - Okay, so I hope you enjoyed that unique “From the Vault” episode. If you did, I want to remind you to please click subscribe on whatever podcast platform you're listening to this on, because it is the best way for new listeners to find the show and in return, inspire more men to read. If you want to tell me what you thought about this episode or the podcast more broadly, there are two ways to reach out to me: on Instagram @DouglasVigliotti. It's the only social media that I have and via my website DouglasVigliotti.com. As I mentioned at the top of this episode, I have a new book out. It is titled “Aristotle for Novelists,” and you can find out more information about that at AristotleforNovelists.com. Last but not least, I want to thank you so much for listening. And if you want more information on this podcast specifically, which includes signing up for the monthly newsletter, then all you have to do is visit the website BooksforMen.org.
