#260 | Special Edition: What Is a Birthday, Anyway?—And the Societal Pressure to Feel 'Not Enough"
Quick SUMMARY:
In this Special Edition episode of the "Books for Men” podcast, host Douglas Vigliotti shares his pop-up essay, “What is a Birthday Anyway?” Reflecting on his 39th birthday, he explores the meaning of birthdays, aging, ego, and societal pressure to feel “not enough.” Douglas encourages listeners to celebrate life itself, embrace self-acceptance, and reminds them to keep reading—and living—fully.
Listen to the episode:
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TOPICS COVERED IN the EPISODE:
Introduction to the Special Edition Episode (00:09) - Douglas introduces the special edition, explains the concept of "pop up essays," and the inspiration behind this episode.
Newsletter Plug and Podcast Anniversary (01:37) - Brief reminder about the companion newsletter and mention of the podcast’s third anniversary and recent featured authors.
Reading the Pop-Up Essay: "What is a Birthday Anyway?" (02:48) - Douglas reads his essay reflecting on birthdays, aging, ego, and shifting perspectives on life and self-worth.
Societal Pressures and the Meaning of Birthdays (03:54) - Discussion on societal constructs, feeling "not enough," nostalgia, and how ego shapes our birthday experiences.
A New Paradigm: Celebrating Life (05:04) - Proposes a mindset shift to appreciate birthdays as a celebration of life, quoting Hemingway, and embracing being enough.
Closing Remarks and Ways to Connect (06:17) - Douglas shares how to connect with him, plugs his new book, and thanks listeners, with reminders about the newsletter and website.
READ THE TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome back to “Books for Men”, a podcast to inspire more men to read and bring together men who do. So this week I have an interesting special edition episode to share with you. So, for those who don't know, from time to time, I will write what I call a pop-up essay, and I will post it on Instagram. Usually, what that means is it's something I wrote that morning and I share it, and it only lives for 24 hours. So recently, I did one called “What Is a Birthday, Anyway?” And it came on the heels of my 39th birthday. It generated quite a bit of a response, so I think it struck a chord, and that's why I wanted to give it a little more life and share it with you on the podcast. I'm not going to butcher it and overexplain it. I will just let the piece speak for itself. But I will say that I thought that this was a good ad for the month of August 1st, obviously because it was my birthday this month, and also because for the entire month we've been celebrating the third year anniversary of the podcast, and I featured a lot of repeat authors like Ernest Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson, Haruki Murakami, all the episodes that preceded this one.
01:37 - So I thought that this special edition would be a good way to cap an unusual but important month. Having said that, before I jump into the reading of this short essay, I did want to quickly remind you about the companion newsletter that goes with this podcast, and that is just a monthly roundup of all the episodes, complete with full book and author information. All the best quotes. Episode summaries. additional book recommendations, and some helpful links at the end of each of those newsletters. So again, that's just a once-a-month email. And if you're really looking for just what I call the meat and potatoes, you're short on time, then I would consider checking it out, and you could sign up for that on the website BooksforMen.org. And now that I've gotten that little plug out of the way, let's jump right into the pop-up essay titled “What Is a Birthday, Anyway?”
02:39 - People say they hate their birthday as they age.
I don’t feel that way, though. It’s not my ego, either. I don’t think I’m special. I know I am not. I remember turning 30, I had a table of 30 friends celebrating my birthday. Today, I turn 39, and last night my buddy (and his girlfriend) took me to dinner. That’s right—30 to 3, and even a third wheel to boot. How comical, right?
When I was 30, I probably would have gone to great lengths to ensure that didn’t happen. I mean, I, Doug Vigliotti, can’t be that guy. Can I? But at 39, if I’m being honest, these are the types of things that just don’t matter to me. Honestly, what can be a better gift than that?
Actually, I can think of a better one. But hold on. Allow me to digress for a moment.
Here’s the thing: the world we live in is designed to make us feel like we’re not enough. If we were, we wouldn’t need whatever they were trying to sell us. Jeans. Lip balm. Cell phone. New restaurant. I don’t know, whatever it is. The message behind the message is simple: you’re not enough, buy me and you will be. If it isn’t obvious already, this is a lie. A social construct that keeps you feeling less than and buying shit you don’t really need. It also keeps you believing the stories that you believe. Which is the root of everything you think and do, like why people hate their birthdays as they age.
Birthdays remind people of the past, which brings them closer to death. Aging is a biological reality. You will die. So will I. This is scary. No amount of money or ice baths will stop it.
In this strange, mythical place, in your mind, called the “past,” you were freer. More fun and beautiful. Less burdened. But nostalgia is just the past minus the anxiety. Trust me: you worried about other shit then. Like in my case, ensuring I had a table full of 30 people to make me feel more important than I was. Ego is a bitch. It was then, and it still is now.
But what if I suggested a different paradigm? One that might not be all that radical. One based on the real bottom line: life and death. In this new paradigm, we appreciate our birthdays for what they’re supposed to be, a celebration of life. As in, I made it another year in this fragile world. The long black train hasn’t taken me yet. See: I told you there was a better gift.
In this paradigm, each birthday gets better as you age. Regardless of how many people are at your table. Or your latest wrinkle. Ass ache or whatever. You’re alive. This is not a story. This is real life. And as Hemingway writes in The Old Man and the Sea, “Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is.”
You’re enough. I promise. You don’t need more. You probably need less.
Just go live.
06:24 - All right. So I hope you enjoyed that short pop-up essay again. That is something that I've featured on my Instagram story. So it only lived for 24 hours, but now it will live for all of eternity on the “Books for Men” podcast. If you're interested in seeing more of those, you can always connect with me on Instagram @DouglasVigliotti. Or if you just want to reach out to me, you could do so via my website, DouglasVigliotti.com. I want to remind you that I have a new book out that is titled “Aristotle for Novelists: 14 Timeless Principles on the Art of Story”. If you're a writer looking to tell a story on the page on the screen, I think you will find a lot of interesting tidbits in this book, and it will help you quite a bit. You can find out more information about it at AristotleforNovelists.com. Last but not least, I want to thank you so much for tuning in and listening. If you want more information about this podcast, which includes signing up for that previously mentioned newsletter, then all you have to do is head over to the website BooksforMen.org
