I Remember Nothing | Nora Ephron

episode SUMMARY:

In this episode of the Books for Men podcast, Douglas Vigliotti discusses the book I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron. The book is a collection of essays and memoirs by Ephron, a prominent screenwriter known for movies like When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle. Vigliotti praises Ephron's wit and sensibilities and describes the book as a meditation on life and death. He highlights the balance of lightness and heaviness in the essays, mentions some humorous and thought-provoking quotes from Ephron, and recommends a documentary about Ephron called Everything Is Copy. Vigliotti concludes by encouraging listeners to share the podcast to support the initiative of inspiring more men to read and reminds listeners they can connect with him on Instagram @douglasvigliotti.

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Welcome back, the Books for Men, a podcast to inspire more men to read and bring together men who do. So this week is going to be a first, I believe. I don't remember ever featuring an essay collection on the podcast before, but it's also definitely a memoir, and it's called, I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron, so you might recognize the name. She was a prominent screenwriter. She was also a playwright, essayist, and author, of course, as I'm featuring this book. She has written plenty of others, but she's most known for movies like When Harry Met Sally, which I must admit is probably one of my favorite movies, at least it's in the top 10 or 15 for sure. So she was most known for her Rom-Coms, like the one I had just mentioned, but also movies like My Blue Heaven, Sleepless in Seattle, and You've Got Mail was a classic, right with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, actually, I think Sleepless in Seattle, features the same cast.

(01:07)

And then of course Julia and Julia, which I believe was the last movie that she ever did. But that leads me perfectly into this book, which was really the last work that she ever did. And it came out in 2010, and that's sort of why I wanted to feature it. Not only do I love Nora Ephron’s work, admittedly. Her wit and sensibilities are just so spot on with so much of the stuff that she does. It's really easy to read any of her books. Heartburn is another one that was a novel that she then adapted into a movie, of course with Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep. But the book is just pure stream-of-consciousness, energetic, neurotic, Nora Ephron. I don't know how else to explain it. It's really good and really, really worth reading. It's said to be slightly autobiographical about one of her divorces, but if for nothing else, you should read it for the prose because it's got so much energy in life, and that is really something that I think Ephron brings to all of her work.

(02:15)

But anyway, I want to go back to the book at hand. I remember nothing. And the basis of this book is a sad one in a way. It's an end-of-life memoir. So in 2006, she was diagnosed with myelodysplasia, and I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. It's a type of bone cancer, and she hid it from family and friends and ultimately ended up dying from the cancer in 2012. And as I had already mentioned, I believe this book came out in 2010. So this made the weight of it that much more heavy. It was the last thing she wrote as I alluded to, but it's also light for a lot of the reasons, which I also mentioned moments ago. Just her wit and her sensibilities. And the way she approaches life is through this healthy balance I think of light and dark or sad and happy.

(03:08)

And I love creators and artists that are able to depict themselves through their work in that way, or even just entertain us in that way. Or if it's not healthy, at least it's very honest and truthful, which makes it endearing. And this book, as it is, is somewhat of a meditation on death, even in the title, I Remember Nothing, her making the statement that through everything, she doesn't remember anything, also makes it a meditation on life. And I think that if you embrace it in that fashion, although it's very, very heavy if you understand the context, it just makes it that much better. So yes, all the essays do talk about her life, relationships, divorce, silly things like omelets and email and being too old or being old in the age of Google and I don't know, holidays and her creative flops. And not so much about her successes because it's more self-deprecating than that.

(04:07)

And she also shares about her time as a journalist. And she has fun aspects in the essays too, like, 25 Things People Have a Shocking Capacity to Be Surprised at Over and Over Again, which I thought was hilarious. And then the book ends in a way that probably wouldn't be as impactful if you didn't know the story of her life or the context in which this book was written, or the hidden nature, I should say, of which this book was written right? It ends with two short, they're not even essays, they're just lists that say, what I won't miss followed up by what I will miss. And they're just very simple things. And it hit me so hard that I actually pathetically, or maybe not, I don't know. It depends on how you look at it. I actually created lists of these for myself, and no, I'm not dying, or I don't have cancer or anything of that nature.

(05:07)

But it was just something that was sort of eye-opening in that when you think about all of the little things in life that you will miss, it really makes you appreciate those things in a much deeper way. It's hit me so hard. I sporadically think about how this book ends in these lists that she wrote, but not the specificity of it. Just the idea that there will be these little things that I do every single day or every single week that I love so much that I will miss. And it's sad, but it's also hopeful in that if you engage with this early enough, you could really garner an appreciation and gratification for these minor things in life. And I hope that if for nothing else, you'll pick up the book and read it just for that reason. But I also want to remind you that there is a strong balance of lightness in the essays as that is an essential feature of Nora Ephron and the way that she expresses herself, at least in my eyes.

(06:19)

I think it doesn't get exemplified any better than this excerpt that I pulled out from the book. “Everybody dies. There's nothing you can do about it. Whether or not you eat six meals a day. Whether or not you believe in God. Although there's no question, a belief in God would come in handy. It would be great to think there's a plan and that everything happens for a reason. I don't happen to believe that. And every time one of my friends says to me, ‘Everything happens for a reason.’ I would like to smack her.” Or even something more subtle when she writes. “In fact, looking back, it seems to me that I was clueless until I was about fifty years old.” So hopefully you may be able to gauge that there's a playfulness in her language. It's something that I really appreciate. And she's just one of those people that you could spend time online looking up random anecdotes and quotes for hers and be totally satisfied with these. I mean, she's got a ton of 'em. Like, “In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.” Or “Insane people are always sure that they're fine. It is the same people who are willing to admit they're crazy.” And then there's my favorite. “If you can't be happy washing dishes, you can't be happy.”

(07:26)

So this won't be very entertaining if I continue to just hit you over the head with Nora Ephron one-liners. But you could tell that I have a few of them. I will share some in the newsletter this month. Also, if you want to watch a great documentary, there's one on HBO called Everything Is Copy. It was actually a documentary done by her son remembering her impact, most notably on the film industry. And that, of course, was paving the way for other female filmmakers, and it's just done extremely well. And the tagline for that, or like Nora Ephron used to say, “Take notes. Everything is copy.” And I love that idea because as we walk through life, everything can be utilized to create your stories and your narratives. So take notes. The thing I love the most about Ephron, at least from the documentary, is that she really did it her way, the whole way through.

(08:19)

And as hard as that could be to row upstream and voice your opinion and just do it your way, she did it all the way to the end. And to me, that's just a really admirable quality. But I won't keep going. On and on. This episode is a wrap. I hope you enjoyed it. If so, I want to remind you to share it with friends, family members, and other people who you think might enjoy it, because word of mouth is everything. And, with this podcast, we are trying to spread awareness for one reason, to inspire more men to read. If you'd like to double down on that support, you can by rating, liking, subscribing, following, reviewing. I don't know, any of it doesn't matter. Take 30 seconds. Please do it because it does help more people find the show. Also, if you'd like to connect with me, you could do so on Instagram at Douglas Viti. And lastly, if you'd like more information, you could visit BooksforMen.org where you can get full transcripts for all of the episodes, as well as sign up for the newsletter, which is a monthly roundup of every episode complete with full book and author information, all the best quotes. So there will be plenty from Nora Ephron this month and newsletter-only book recommendations. So if you're interested in that, head over to BooksforMen.org.