From the Vault | An Urge Worth Fighting

This episode of Books for Men features an edition of “From the Vault”—a new segment where I share an episode from my previous podcast, It's Not What It Seems. This is an audio article that rethinks competition and offers a subtle nuance that might help you. It’s equal parts challenging and inspirational. Listen for more! (Original publish date: 11/15/18. Read it here.)

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Welcome back to Books for Men, a podcast to inspire more men to read and bring together men who do. So this week I am going to do something a little different From the Vault episode, and that is share an audio article that I think holds up pretty well. So I did write this article almost five years ago, but I listened to it recently and I said, this still holds true to this day and probably always will. And I think that that's one of the strengths of it and why. I really just wanted to share it with you. I wasn't planning on sharing these audio articles, but it caught my eye as I was scanning some of the older episodes. And like I said, I think it's really, really pertinent and I think you also might find it inspirational in a way. So a lot of the articles that I used to write were in the big idea genre, and I used to publish them on my website as well as various publications online.

(01:16)

But my website articles, I would record them and they would be solo episodes on the podcast. Not all of them, just the ones that I thought were really good. And so this article really makes you rethink competition as a general concept in your life. It's very easy to miss the point that I'm trying to make. So I'll be clear in saying that I do think competition has plenty of upsides. However, I do think that it doesn't come without some downside as well. And as you will find out in this article, there's a nuance to this that I really think is important for your life, and the name of this article is called “An Urge Worth Fighting,” and I'm not going to spoil what that urge is, so you'll have to listen to the article to find out. But I will say, I wouldn't re-share this if I didn't think that it was something that I thought you might not only enjoy but as I already had mentioned, be inspirational for you or at least make you look at competition or this urge in a little bit of a different light.

(02:34)

It sort of circles around a topic that I've been fascinated by for a very, very long time and probably continue to be fascinated by, and that is the unique life and experiential life of every single individual. Now, I don't want to go too much more into any of this. Maybe I'll touch on it in the recap episode when I wrap up this month, but I did just want to give some kind of introduction to this article. Now with that being said, I did want to just mention, because I just won't have an ending to it, that if you enjoy this episode, please share it with friends, family members, and other people who you think might enjoy it. Word of mouth is everything when we're trying to spread awareness for something. And with this podcast specifically, it's inspiring more men to read and bringing together men who do.

(03:33)

So I need your help in sharing it. Also, if you are a regular listener, then please consider doubling down on that support by rating, following, liking, and subscribing on whatever podcast platform you listen to this on because that will help more people listen and find the show. And ultimately, again, spread awareness for the initiative, which is the most important thing. And lastly, I just wanted to remind you that for more info, you could visit BooksforMen.org where you can also sign up for the newsletter, which is a monthly roundup of all the episodes complete with links and full book and author information, all the best quotes from each book in episodes, as well as newsletter exclusive book recommendations. So book recommendations that you only get by joining the newsletter. So again, if you're interested in that, you could sign up at BooksforMen.org. Alright, so now without further ado, let's jump into this week's episode, which is an addition of From the Vault and it's in the form of an audio article titled In Urge Worth Fighting, and it was first published on my website back in November 2018, and then the audio version that you will hear was republished on my previous podcast, It's Not What It Seems four months later in February of 2019. With that being said, I think that the content is evergreen and might be even more important today than it was five years ago, but I'll let you be the judge. I hope you enjoy today's episode.

(05:18)

Let me first start by saying, I experienced this urge almost every day and I'm willing to bet that you do too. This is how I knew I needed to share it with you. It's an urge that's so prevalent, pertinent, and unmistakable that when you read it, you'll have no choice but to accept its realness. It's an urge that carves out what you know to be true, reconfigures it, and gives it back to you just for you to see it in an ideal state every time it's intimidating and desirable all at once, and it's an urge that will shape your life. Maybe you're wondering what that urge is. That would be a good question. I'll answer it momentarily, but first, let me share something with you. Tennis is a sport where two people hit a little yellow ball back and forth over a net. They compete for games, sets, and matches.

(06:06)

They've agreed to certain regulations. The racket has to be a certain size. You can't take performance-enhancing drugs. I can go on and on, but I'll spare you. The point is there's a clearly defined set of rules and both players have agreed on these rules. Therefore, both players can compete against each other. Competition is a good thing when it comes to direct competitions. I mean, you can't win the tennis tournament without a runner-up. Better state it. You can't be number one without a number two or 3, 4, or 5 for that matter. In direct competition, an outcome is necessary. The goal is to win. The goal has been defined. You practice every day to achieve that goal. Sure, there are many things that affect the outcome of any competition, but winning and losing are binary. In direct competitions, two tennis players take to the court and one must win seems obvious in zero to one.

(07:06)

Peter Thiel argues that competition is for losers. He believes no competition is the best starting point for a business. He wants you to create a monopoly. This might seem shallow or crappy to the average person, but when you truly consider what he's saying, it makes a lot of sense. Let's assume I'm the genie and I granted you this. Wish you could start whatever business you want in whatever industry you want at any time you want. Consider this. Why would you start a business in a field populated with competitors? This is what the is saying. Start a monopoly. Own your category. Pioneer your industry. In business, rules are not clearly defined. Competition is bad. The most common argument you might hear from someone advocating for competition is that it provides motivation for improvement. This is true, but without having an agreed-upon rule structure, competition might actually have an adverse effect.

(08:03)

In a sense, it becomes demotivating. This might be why most people would rather read the meme on Instagram than do the actual work. There are no defined rules on Instagram yet everyone is competing. What most people don't realize is that competition is good for the system, not necessarily good for you. Competition is better for the system than it is for you. Competition is good for tennis. Competition is good for capitalism. Competition is good for Instagram. Competition fuels the system. There are no defined set of rules in life. Life is completely random. Your life is only your life because you were born. Wherever you were born. You made friends with whomever you made friends with. You married whomever you married. You work wherever you work because you decided to work there. You've been led by whoever has led you. Annie Duke would probably remind us, life is merely made up of the hand you're dealt and the decisions you make with that hand plus luck.

(09:03)

Whether you're willing to admit it or not, luck is an enormously big factor in how your life plays out. Everyone is dealt a different hand in the game of life. Everyone has different values. Everyone has their own compounded experiences. Everyone is playing by their own rules, the rules they've made up in their head. However, it seems we've allowed this notion of direct competition to leak into our lives somehow we are all competing every day. It's sad, really. Maybe some guru has been leading you with their formula of how to win at life. I'm here to tell you, there is no formula unless you consider fighting this urge, a formula. Please fight this urge. It will be worth it. The constant urge to live other people's lives. Maybe you're saying, no way, not me. I don't feel that way. I love myself. Okay, fine. I'll let you have that for now, but revisit this next time you log onto Facebook just to see what Tom had for dinner last night.

(09:59)

As you sit there and consider whether his steak tasted better than your cheeseburger or his vacation, more lavish than yours. Remember, you're experiencing the urge to urge that rattles my world every day proving its existence. That's how I know it rattles yours. Technology has only scaled this urge’s impact. We are competing with everyone every day. This urge happens unconsciously and consistently. The urge even happens on a more innocent level. When you see your friend playing the guitar and now you want to play the guitar. I'm not saying don't play the guitar. I'm saying to be aware of that urge, the urge to live another person's life. The world needs you. You lose yourself each time you try to be someone else. You try to live by someone else's rules. You try to compete in their game. The world needs you the way you are. The world just needs you to be better at being you.

(10:53)

The only person you should be competing with is yourself. I'm not encouraging you to not grow, never change, or never try new things. Actually, I have a pretty practical way I do that called The Hope Model. I'm encouraging you to never lose yourself. I'm encouraging you to hone your skills and get better at being you. I'm encouraging you to remember life is not made up of winners and losers. There is no clear set of rules for how we should play this game. You create the rules in life. Competition is for losers. It shouldn't be too hard to take Thiel’s advice when it comes to our own lives. After all, there's only one of you.