#193 | From Despair to Hope: One Man's Journey to Mental Health, and Reducing Stigma of Depression in Men

episode SUMMARY:

Douglas Vigliotti delves into the dark and powerful memoir "Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness" by William Styron. With raw honesty, Styron recounts his harrowing battle with major depression, shedding light on the often unseen and misunderstood nature of mental health disorders. Through his gripping account, listeners gain a deeper understanding of the importance of addressing and supporting mental health in ourselves and others.

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Welcome back to Books for Men, a podcast to inspire more men to read and bring together men who do. So before we jump into the episode, I did want to remind you that Season 2's trailer of Slightly Crooked: Good Stories, Told Well is now available on the podcast and it does feature my 2021 poem collection, mini heartbreaks (or little poems about life), which is basically a mini-memoir of sorts on writing, artistry, alcohol, women missed opportunities growing up and moving forward. So if you're interested in learning more about that, then I'd definitely go check out the trailer episode. With that being said, today's episode does cover a topic that is very serious in nature and that is depression and mental health. I want to make it clear that I am not a medical professional, and if you do struggle with depression or any mental health disorder, then you should consult a medical professional, and this episode should not be misconstrued as medical advice.

(01:24)

This is a memoir of madness as the author calls it. It is titled Darkness Visible by William Styron. So who is William Styron? He is an American novelist and essayist, probably most known for his work in the sixties and seventies, although this book didn't come out until 1990 later in his life, and it documents the period in which he suffered from life-threatening and debilitating depression. So you may be wondering why I would be featuring such a book on the podcast. It is quite dark and quite depressing, no pun intended, but I think that it is probably the best-written account that I have ever read, and not that I make it a point to read accounts of depression on a regular basis, but as I was saying, this is probably the most visceral, deep, alarming, accurate, and precise description of what depression can do to somebody's mind.

(02:32)

The idea that Styron was a thriving author who was for all intense and purposes in good health and then suddenly fell victim to this totally horrifying disease known as depression, he writes in the book, “Then after dinner, sitting in the living room, I experienced a curious inner convulsion that I can describe only as despair beyond despair. It came out of the cold night; I did not think such anguish was possible.” And I think what's most gripping about not just that little excerpt there, but the work in general is that it came on fast. He didn't see it coming, and then all of a sudden it enveloped him. This book really details that experience for the author and what it was like to go through what he describes as a near-fatal experience with depression. I believe reading this book will make you more empathetic to the mental health disorder as a whole.

(03:44)

It definitely talks about the stigma that's associated with it, one that I think has been loosening now a little bit over time, which is undoubtedly a good thing. I do still think it's not easy to talk about, but it's something that we should definitely be open to discussing with people in our lives, if not with medical professionals than our inner circle. I think talking about stuff does help. It makes you feel less alone. It makes you feel more understood. I think one of the huge issues with mental health disorders as a whole is the fact that you can't see them. And so Daniel Kahneman talks about this phenomenon in his book Thinking Fast and Slow called WYSIATI, and it's an acronym of course for “what you see is all there is,” and this is something that fascinates me in multiple aspects of life, but it surely exists with mental health.

(04:46)

So it's very easy to see when somebody has a cold, they're coughing, they're sneezing, they may even have a temperature, we can observe the fact that they're sick or if they break their leg, they have a cast on their leg, they're not walking. We could very easily see that they're injured with mental health, it goes largely unseen. So what would look to be an otherwise totally healthy person on the outside is actually an extremely unhealthy person inside of their mind. So without disclosing the struggles or the journey one has with depression or anxiety, things that are in my belief, a spectrum. So you have the clinical diagnosis that needs medical intervention, and then you have the milder versions that people would experience that don't need such intervention but still need to be addressed and dealt with. In any case, mental health is unseen and this makes it a problem both for the person going through it as well as for people in those people's lives because it's hard to be empathetic to something you don't know exists.

(05:59)

Now, I do want to make note that I understand this requires great courage on the part of the person going through the bout of depression or struggling intensely with it, but I think we can all agree the worst-case scenario is when we allow this mental disorder to get to a place where it is too late to help this individual. And I think if there's one thing that Styron's account of the disorder does conclude, it's that you can get through it as horrifying and debilitating and life-threatening as it could be. There is light on the other side of the tunnel. At the end of the book, he shares a quote from Dante and it says, “And so we came forth / And once again, beheld the stars.” And I love that it ends on a hopeful note because as Styron concludes in the book, “It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul.”

(07:09)

And I think that that despair beyond despair that Styron talks about in the book stems from this sense of hopelessness. There is a great positive element to this gripping, descriptive account in that you can make it through to the other side with great courage, vulnerability, and openness to discuss and address the depression. Styron spends a great deal explaining or describing how indescribable the nature of the disorder is and this underlying element of darkness that is inside of us, which can take hold at any point. This is scary to some, but to me, it just places a spotlight on the necessary element of taking care of our mental health as well, if not more than our physical health. I don't want to compare the two because I do think they go hand in hand. Another thing that Styron does account for in this work is the nature of which mental health manifests physically in one's life, but I don't think you even need this memoir to tell you that we live our lives through our perspective and our mind, so to say we shouldn't be working out our mental acuity strength and ability as much, if not more than our physical ability, strength, what have you.

(08:50)

Then I think we're missing something major in the health of our total experience as a human. So I could continue to go on and on about this book, but I think you know what it's about. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I will now. It is an extremely short book only around 80 pages, which is a good thing for such a dark piece of literature, but it's not one that you should overlook. I definitely and highly recommend it to anyone interested in the subject matter, even mildly. So I would be remiss if I didn't at least share a little bit of my own experiences to end this episode. And while I don't have or I am not clinically diagnosed with depression and I don't think I experience it, at least not to this point in my life, in the way that Williams Styron depicts it, I will say that two years ago I made probably one of the biggest decisions of my life, which was to quit drinking and get sober.

(09:55)

It's interesting, that term usually raises a few hairs depending on who you are. I don't know what it is about it, but people like to say alcohol-free or I don't know. The term sober implies an issue, and I'll be forthright in saying that I probably did have an issue if somebody was looking at my life from the outside in, but I don't want to digress too far into that right now. I will perhaps share more about my journey and my story with alcohol in future episodes. I do think that there is something to be learned and gleaned from that experience for other men, but what I will say is that undoubtedly, one of the reasons why I stopped was alcohol tended to put me in as I got older, what I would classify as a self-induced depression. I'm not naturally depressed, but what I noticed was beyond a hangover a day, two days, three days later, there was this underlying murkiness and mood disorder that I experienced that didn't exist within me when I was sober.

(11:11)

And this became more troubling as I got older and I experienced more shame around it as others enjoyed me getting drunk and partying and having a good time. The residual effects and the experience with my mind and my mood and my productivity and my motivation really hindered me from being as vital as I wanted to be in other areas of my life. And again, as I led this off with, it would probably be unseen by other people because what you see is all there is. It was up to me to come to the realization that this self-induced depression needed to stop, and I took the necessary steps to make that so, and as I said, I'm not going to get too much into this now, but I think that if you are dealing with depression in any form, mild, medium, or hot, let's call it, or any mental disorder at all, anxiety is a big one.

(12:21)

Alcohol’s play in that is insurmountable as I see it. Styron definitely talks about this in the book, alcohol's involvement, and I think there are plenty of resources out there that would back up what I am saying here. So I'm not going to go too deep into it, but you should know that alcohol and depression sort of go hand in hand, and if you are dealing with one, you're probably going to have to deal with the other. Alright, so for the sake of time, I think I'm going to wrap this up again, I am not a medical health professional, and I do believe that if you are struggling with any mental disorder, you should seek medical help. I am a huge advocate of mental health and being as healthy as possible in that capacity as you can be. I always ask at the end of these episodes for two things to support this podcast, and I'm going to ask for those two things again.

(13:23)

One of them is to share this episode with a friend or family member if you think they would enjoy it or get something out of it. And two, subscribe on whatever podcast platform you're listening to this on. Share and subscribe—they're without a doubt, two biggest ways that you can support the podcast and the initiative of inspiring more men to read. And I think with this episode specifically, depression is something that affects a lot of men in a lot of varying ways, even if they are reluctant to admit it. Of course, if you want to connect with me, you can on Instagram @douglasvigliotti. It's the only social media that I have. And lastly, for more information, you could visit BooksforMen.org where you can get full transcripts for every episode, including this one. As well as sign up for the monthly newsletter, which is a roundup of every episode complete with full book and author information, episode summaries, all the best quotes, and newsletter-only book recommendations. Again, if you're interested in that, just head over to BooksforMen.org.